my brain and

heart divorced

a decade ago

over who was

to blame about

how big of a mess

I have become.

eventually,

they couldn't be 

in the same room

with each other.

now my head and heart 

share custody of me.

I stay with my brain 

during the week

and my heart 

gets me on weekends.

they never speak to one another

    - instead, they give me

the same note to pass

to each other every week:

"This is all your fault!"

on Sundays

my heart complains

about how my 

head has let me down

in the past

and on Wednesday

my head lists all

of the times my 

heart has screwed

things up for me 

in the future.

there's been a lot

of yelling - and crying

so,

    lately, I've been

spending a lot of 

time with my gut.

most nights, I sneak out of the

window in my ribcage

and slide down my spine

and collapse on my 

gut's plush leather chair

~ and I just sit sit sit sit

until the sun comes up.

last evening, 

my gut asked me

if I was having a hard

time being caught 

between my heart

and my head.

I nodded.

I said I didn't know

if I could live with 

either of them anymore.

"my heart is always sad about

something that happened yesterday

while my head is always worried

about something that may happen tomorrow," 

I lamented.

my gut squeezed my hand and said:

"in that case, 

you should 

go stay with your 

lungs for a while.

if you are exhausted by

your heart's obsession with

the fixed past and your mind's focus

on the uncertain future,

your lungs are the perfect place for you.

there is no yesterday in your lungs

there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now

there is only inhale

there is only exhale

there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath

you can rest while your

heart and head work 

their relationship out."

this morning,

while my brain

was busy reading

tea leaves

and my heart was staring

at old photographs 

I packed a little

bag and walked

to the door of 

my lungs.

before I could even knock

she opened the door

with a smile and as

a gust of air embraced me

she said

"what took you so long?"

~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)